Riddle me THIS

Generally upon starting one of these mindless banterings of mine, I try to start out with some clever segue into it, but I think I'll shake it up a bit and cut right to the chase. Is that alright with everyone? Okay, then.

I hate riddles. The most infamous of riddles would probably have to be Batman's teenage sidekick, Robin, with his brain buster: "What's yellow and writes?" ...A ball point banana!
Not a yellow pen, not yellow chalk and certainly not a canary with an amazing gift for literacy. No. The only plausible answer is obviously a ball point banana. I hate riddles.
Perhaps what bothers me most is the self proclaimed air of wisdom with which the "riddlers" present the question to us, the unknowing, thick skulled,"riddlees." These riddlers will say the question slowly and thoughtfully like some sensai to its yon' grasshoppa, like an ancient medicine man telling a legend to a young adventurer, or like a teacher speaking to a five-year-old. Lookit, dude. Knowing how a man killed himself in an empty room does not make you some omniscient scholar. Read a book.
I hate riddles.
What's worse? The riddles people come up with are just total nonsense. A family member once proposed a riddle to me. "What's something you can hear but can't see and everyone does it at least once in their life?" Uh...sing? When he recognized my apparent lack of effort, he gave me a clue (remember, clue giving, of course, is administered strictly by and through the discretion of the all wise riddler), "It starts with an 'L.'" Wow! Helpful, yes, thank you. Umm...Limping? Lamenting? Listening? Oh! I got it. Landslide...ing. Flatly, "No, Samantha. It's lying." Why didn't I think of that? And of course the ego of the riddler only gets worse when the victim gives up. I mean, really, the answer could be anything, but there is only one definite answer in the world of riddles.

"Two genetically identical pigs are for sale. One sells for more. Why?"
Uh...because...one is a girl and can have babies so it's worth more.
"WRONG. One is dipped in liquid gold."

duh

"A dude is brushing his teeth and suddenly his two front teeth are missing. What happened here?"
Let's see...he hadn't brushed his teeth in ten years?
"INCORRECT. He was brushing his teeth and a guy came and punched him in the mouth. Obviously that's the answer you half witted, no nothing FOOL!!"

Are you following me, here?
I hate riddles.

Yeesh

So, turns out, I'm the worst person to ever have a blog in the history of all blogdom.

I would just like to say that my life is ridiculous.

I wish school would hurry up and start, so I can get out of this weird summer haze I'm stuck in. This is has been a summer of epic proportions from start to finish. I've learned more in 4 months than I have in my entire life, and now I'm ready to move on and apply those things. Don't hate me for wanting it to get dark sooner, don't freak because I wish it were colder. This chapter of my life has ended with only two lines on the page, now I'm just chilling in the white space below, waiting for the over-sized first letter of the next chapter to appear.

Yes, my attempt at blogging proves that I am a disgrace to the practice. Maybe I'll try again in another month.

koo-koo-kachoo

I got 99 problems...bloggin' ain't one.

I'm not sure what I'm doing here. It's like when you're on a trip and you wake up in the morning in a hotel and for a fraction of a second you don't know where the heck you are, how you got there or what you're supposed to do next. Luckily for me, and all the other bloggers out there(I'm assuming, I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions), blogspot.com doesn't have stiff sheets or smell like potpurri. Downside, blogspot.com doesn't have complimentary bars of soap or other travel size toiletries. Pick your poison, I guess. Other than that, it's all pretty much the same.

[subliminal message] Lauren "Lady Lo Lo" Anderson is bang-a-rang. [end subliminal message]

That's all for now.